Prom Safety
High-school proms are very expensive affairs. When you add up the prom dresses and tuxedos, prom tickets and pictures, stretch limos, extravagant dining, flowers, and those special hairstyles and French manicures, it's not unusual for the tab to top $1,000. A prom bill, especially for seniors, may also include renting motel or hotel rooms for all-night, post-prom partying. High school goes Hollywood.
For parents, however, the primary prom-related concerns aren't financial. Our biggest prom worries are the risky behaviors associated with proms, most specifically driving under the influence of alcohol and drugs and unsafe sex. Prom night always seems to be linked with drunken-driving injuries and deaths, date rapes, pregnancies and STDs. It's become the night where teens' poor judgment and dangerous choices have become institutionalized.
Think back to your own proms. While much more expensive and self-indulgent than yours were, the hopes, disappointments, joys and dangers associated with proms have remained essentially the same. The following tips may ease your prom anxieties, while helping to keep your kids as safe as possible:
Prom Safety Tips
The Talk -- Tell your children that you want them to have a wonderful, memorable prom. Keep that wish as a central focus. They need to give you their complete itinerary for the evening, including whom they will be with, where they'll be going after the prom and the phone numbers where you can contact them. "We'll just be driving around" is not an acceptable response. Come to a fair decision on a curfew, based upon your children's past level of responsibility in this area. Express your concerns about their health and safety and explain to them why prom night makes it more difficult to make safe and smart decisions. Don't be vague -- discuss drinking, drugging, driving under the influence, and sex. Ask them how they plan to keep safe and avoid actions they will regret. Reinforce your belief in their character and in their ability to act responsibly.
The Ride -- If they're not driving themselves, you must know who'll be driving them. Regardless of how many times you have talked about the dangers of driving under the influence of alcohol and drugs, emphasize that these dangers are particularly high on prom night. Your children cannot drink or take drugs and drive. They also must be driven by someone who has not drunk alcohol or taken drugs. You need their promise on these rules. These rules are non-negotiable.
The Connection -- If your children are not returning home right after the prom, you need to be able to contact them at all times until they return home. You also need to be reachable at all times as well. There can be no doubt where your kids will be and with whom throughout the evening and morning. If they're going to other kids' houses after the prom, check ahead of time with these children's parents. You also have a right and a responsibility to ask if these parents are going to allow drinking in their homes. Many parents believe that as long as they "take keys" in a situation like this that underage drinking is permissible in their houses. You must answer the question, "Do I want my kids at after-prom parties where parents aren't present?" Post-prom, parent-child check-in calls make sense. Establish a couple of mandatory call-in times with your kids. You might consider giving cell phones to your kids for the evening, thereby establishing a guaranteed connection.
The Offer -- Give your children the unconditional option of calling you at any time for help or advice. That includes picking them up at any time of day or night, with a promise not to shame or humiliate them in front of others. Assure them that you always welcome being part of their making smart and safe decisions. This unconditional offer of help and advice should be an outstanding offer throughout their lives.
What Kind Parent Are You
Teens and Alcohol Use: Which Kind of Parent are You?
The Westchester Parent takes a look at some of the most effective strategies local communities and parents are using to combat underage drinking. At any of the community forums where teen drinking is the topic, it is often mentioned that the parents who are not in attendance are part of the problem. It may be that they are not there because they do not view underage drinking in the same light as others at the meeting. Indeed, in any group of soccer moms, PTA participants, and community members, there is likely to be a variety of opinions on the subject of underage drinking, even among friends and neighbors.
• There are parents who believe drinking is a rite of passage and therefore inevitable. They bargain with their kids and prefer them to drink at home, thinking that it’s safer.
• There are parents who feel it’s best to de-emphasize alcohol by incorporating it into daily life as the Europeans do. They teach their kids to drink in moderation with family meals.
• There are parents who think the legal drinking age should be returned to 18 because having to wait until 21 to drink makes alcohol the forbidden fruit.
• There are parents who over-indulge in alcohol themselves.
• There are parents who supply their teens with alcohol because they want to be cool and accepted.
• There are parents who are in denial about what their kids are doing or have given up trying to deal with them.
• And there are parents who, every day, let their kids know that they don’t want them to drink until they’re of legal age and that there will be consequences if they do.
With so many divergent opinions, how can communities hope to bring about the “sea change” in attitude towards drinking that law enforcement, educators, experts and many concerned parents feel is necessary? It might help for parents to be aware of the following facts and statistics:
• For parents who think it’s safer for kids to drink at home: Anyone who is caught serving or giving alcohol to a minor (who is not their own child) can be charged with a misdemeanor, sentenced to jail for up to one year and/or fined $1,000. If furnishing alcohol to minors leads to someone being injured, it can also result in civil liability. Bonnie Holmes, executive director of the Maryland Underage Drinking Coalition, has said, “Kids have told us over and over, ‘We laugh at these parents [who allow teenagers to drink in their homes] all the way to the next party. If we can drink in your house, why can't we drink at the park or at the football game under the bleachers?’”
• For parents who believe the Europeans have the right idea: A report done in 2000 for the Marin Institute for the Prevention of Alcohol and Other Drug Problems revealed that the French drink one-and-a-half times more per person than Americans and have a correspondingly higher death rate from liver cirrhosis. In France, alcohol is thought to be implicated in nearly half of all fatal traffic accidents, half of all homicides, and one-quarter of suicides, according to the French equivalent of the U.S. Institutes of Health. French youth, who can drink legally at age 16, have increased their consumption five-fold since 1996, and 12- to 14-year-olds are drinking and binge drinking. A multi-country study done in 1995, surveying young people in over 20 European countries, found that a greater proportion of young people began to drink at younger ages than in the United States and that more of them drank to intoxication than American young people. A 1999 survey revealed that in half of the European countries, drinking rates and drinking to intoxication among young people had increased even beyond the 1995 study.
•For parents who believe the legal drinking age should be 18: The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) estimates that the 21-year-old minimum drinking age law, instituted in every state as of 1988, has saved 20,043 lives since the 1970s. Since 1982, when NHTSA first recorded alcohol involvement in fatal traffic accidents, there has been a 59 percent reduction in alcohol-related traffic deaths among 15- through 20-year-olds, from 5,300 in 1982 to just over 2,000 last year.
• For parents who themselves over-indulge in alcohol: According to the National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information website, children of drinking parents are less likely to see drinking as harmful and more likely to start drinking earlier, which leads to greater alcohol misuse at ages 17 and 18. Children of drinking parents are also more likely to associate with peers who have tried alcohol at ages 10 to 11, which increases their risk for alcohol use and misuse.
• For parents who want to be cool and supply alcohol to their own kids: A University of Minnesota School of Public Health study found that teens whose parents provide alcohol for parties were more likely to get drunk, get into traffic accidents, become involved in violence, and steal. A National Longitudinal Alcohol Epidemiology Study of over 40,000 people nationwide revealed that individuals who begin drinking at age 14 or younger are 12 times more likely (than those who don’t drink until age 21) to be injured under the influence of alcohol, 11 times more likely to be involved in physical fights after drinking, and 7 times more likely to be in car accidents due to drinking. And these statistics hold true not only when they're adolescents, but when they're adults. In addition, underage drinking contributes to unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases, and is linked to two-thirds of all sexual assaults and date rapes among teenagers and college students.
• For parents who are oblivious to what their children are doing or have given up trying to deal with them: Child Protective Services (CPS) can be called in to investigate if parents are negligent towards their children. CPS may come to a home if police have found a situation that raises questions about the appropriateness of parental behavior in relation to the children.
• And for parents who are struggling to communicate their expectations and hold the line, the experts advise: Keep on talking to your child about your feelings about underage drinking and your reasons for them; keep working to establish guidelines; and make sure to mete out effective consequences if kids violate them. Get to know your child’s friends and their parents, and call them when you have questions about a social gathering. The more parents do this, the more natural it will become. If you know of a house where alcohol was made available to kids and want to report the parents but find it impossible because of delicate social relationships, at least try to talk to those parents about your concerns — eventually parental peer pressure may make an impression. Aside from taking precautionary measures, be sure to support and enjoy your kids and do things together as much as possible.
Even though it’s difficult and sometimes exhausting to struggle with our adolescents as they are influenced by their peer culture, we must not give up. There is a growing consensus in our communities that we can and must fight the prevalence of underage drinking. More groups are sharing information and trying to integrate strategies to deal with the problem, and law enforcement is drawing clearer lines to help parents.
Teen drinking is not inevitable. As District Attorney Jeanine Pirro concluded at the countywide conference on underage drinking at Manhattanville College last November: “Just think about how our attitudes have changed in the last 10 years towards cigarette smoking or ‘having one for the road.’ Bringing about a sea change in underage drinking is possible, too.”
Question and Answers
Q. We drank when we were teens…and teens drink in Europe. Is drinking by teenagers really so bad?
A. With the benefit of modern science and long-term data, we now have a much better understanding of how dangerous alcohol can be for the health and safety of teens. And it’s not just about drunk driving accidents. Studies at Duke University, and recommendations from the American Medical Association, demonstrate measurable damage to teen brains from alcohol use. And research from the CDC shows that teens who start drinking before age 15 are 5 times more likely to become alcohol dependent or abuse alcohol later in life than those who start drinking at or after age 21. Europe, historically known for liberal drinking attitudes, has been toughening its laws as a result of excessive binge drinking and hospitalization among teens there, as well as high alcoholism and cirrhosis rates among adults. The idea that “Europe does it right” is a myth that is not supported by health or safety data. Parents today should also be aware that alcoholic drinks marketed at young people have gotten more potent in recent years: popular products among teens today often come in 24 oz. cans with 10-13% alcohol by volume, versus 12 oz. bottles with 3.6-3.8% alcohol 25 years ago. Learn more about dangers of teen drinking.
Q. There is pressure for teens to go to un-chaperoned after-prom houses and spring break trips. If I don’t want my daughter to be left out, how can I say no?
A. The time between spring break, prom and graduation is the most dangerous of the entire school year. The highest rate of drinking-related accidents, sexual assaults and fatalities happens during this time. If you care about the safety and welfare of your daughter, you will be clear with her that chaperones are required; and that you will call to check that adults are present and no alcohol is being served. Consider hosting an after-prom party at your house, or collaborating with other parents to organize substance-free after-prom activities. It can be done! Regarding spring break, keep in mind that most high school kids don’t actually go on these trips —because of family vacations, spring sports, college visits, jobs and internships, lifeguarding courses, financial limitations, safety concerns, etc. So if your daughter doesn’t go, she certainly won’t be the only one. In fact, feel free to use any of the aforementioned excuses. If you really want her to go along on a group trip, then you should make plans to chaperone. Learn more about prom safety.
Q. How can I tell if my teenager is drinking? What are the signs to look for?
A. Be awake and alert when your teen comes home. Try giving a hug and watch for hesitancy to hug you back. Notice any smell of alcohol or cover-up smells like mint. Have a brief conversation about their evening; look for lack of focus, hesitant or slurred speech, and uncoordinated movements. One of the benefits of a conservative curfew is that it enables parents to be awake and have this kind of interaction at the end of an evening. In general, stay connected with your teen, eat meals with them regularly, share a hobby, get to know their friends, and stay in touch with their friends’ parents if possible. If you do these things, you will likely have a good sense of whether your teen is drinking or not.
Dangers of Underage Drinking
Data from a survey of 43,000 U.S. adults heighten concerns that early alcohol use, independent of other risk factors, may contribute to the risk of developing future alcohol problems. Those who began drinking in their early teens were not only at greater risk of developing alcohol dependence at some point in their lives, they were also at greater risk of developing dependence more quickly and at younger ages, and of developing chronic, relapsing dependence. Among all respondents who developed alcoholism at some point, almost half (47 %) met the diagnostic criteria for alcohol dependence (alcoholism) by age 21.
The associations between early drinking and later problems held even after investigators controlled for other risk factors for dependence, adding to concerns that drinking at a young age might raise the risk of future alcohol problems rather than being an identifying feature of young people predisposed to risky behavior. The study appears in the July, 2006 issue of Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine (volume 160, pages 739-746).
Study Shows Youth Drinking Worse in Europe Than U.S.
We hear so often from parents: “In Europe where parents and kids drink together there seems to be less of a problem”. Below is information to debunk that myth.
European teenagers drink more alcohol more often than their American counterparts, and get drunk more frequently, as well, according to researchers from PIRE Prevention Research Center. Philanthropy News Network reported Nov. 17, 2005 that researchers said data on youths ages 15-16 from 35 European countries showed that every nation in Europe except Turkey had higher teen binge-drinking rates than the U.S. “The claim that Europeans learn to drink moderately and safely in a family setting has been used by many in the United States to argue for lowering the drinking age,” said report author Joel Grube. “But our research shows that premise is a myth. Easy access to alcohol seems to allow young people to drink heavily and in a risky fashion, whether in Europe or the United States.”
Raising the drinking age in the United States has been an extremely effective public health and safety policy. Based upon research, weakening that policy would be a serious mistake.
According to the PIRE report, the teen binge-drinking rate in the U.S. is about 22 percent, compared to:
- 60 percent in Denmark
- 57 percent in Germany
- 54 percent in Great Britain
- 34 percent in Italy
- 28 percent in France
Further as it relates to the drinking age…Federal officials estimate that the law signed on July 17, 1984, has saved the lives of more than 20,000 young people who otherwise would have died in alcohol-related traffic accidents.
Larchmont/Mamaroneck Parents Learn about the Teen Brain and Alcohol
On Tuesday evening, April 17th, parenting and prevention expert Mike Nerney addressed an audience of 160 parents from Larchmont and Mamaroneck at the Hommocks Auditorium. His topic was “Why Teens Shouldn’t Drink, and How Parents Can Make a Difference.” He is a very engaging and humorous speaker—the kind who can do a spot-on imitation of an evasive teen or an overbearing parent. But his specialty is the education he gives parents about the inner workings and complexity and vulnerability of the teenage brain.
According to Nerney, the human brain is not fully developed until the ages of 21 to 25. He said that if medical experts had their way, the drinking age would be 24, but the alcohol lobby would never allow it. While the adult brain is generally calmed by alcohol, the teen brain is stimulated and energized by it. Teen brains are so full of grey matter that they have a harder time assessing situations and making good decisions than adult brains with refined white matter and executive functioning. In addition, the teen brain craves the neurotransmitters associated with risk, which explains why teens are attracted to alcohol and risky behaviors.
When asked if alcohol is bad for the teenage brain, Nerney’s answer was a resounding “Yes.” He quoted one study which showed that a year of heavy drinking could damage 10% of a teen’s cerebral cortex and 10% of his hypothalamus, which is where emotional intelligence is centered. When Nerney met earlier in the day with 10th grade MHS students during health class, he asked them if they would trade such a significant part of their brain potential for the privilege of getting drunk with friends. Nerney’s main message to parents and students alike is that teens should delay the use of alcohol as long as possible to allow their brains to develop to maturity.
Nerney admitted to the crowd that this is the time of year that always makes him the most nervous as a prevention expert because it is end-of-school party season. He said that between 700 and 780 high school kids in the U.S. die every year between mid-April and mid-June in alcohol-related fatalities. He encouraged parents to take this data seriously, especially when making decisions about spring break trips and after prom parties. He not only warned of driving accidents and alcohol poisoning; he said that sexual assault is a serious risk when teens and alcohol mix. Teens use alcohol because it makes them less inhibited; but the dark side of this is that alcohol makes teens twice as likely to get into fights, twice as likely to be involved in date rape, and twice as likely to use technology in cruel ways.
Nerney’s tone was not alarmist or moralistic, but reasonable and realistic. And he encouraged parents to approach their kids the same way. Educate them about the dangers, share your concerns, tell them about the science. Whatever you do, don’t duck the issue. When one parent in the crowd suggested that teens don’t listen to parents, Nerney reassured the room that teens do listen to parents much more than we realize. They won’t thank you politely for your wisdom, but they will internalize your values for use when you’re not around.
To help parents communicate with teens, Nerney had a few pearls to share. Eat meals together 5 times a week, and make sure these meals aren’t “corrective or remedial” in nature. They should be positive experiences that encourage comfort and bonding. (Don’t use dinner to discuss the disappointing progress report.) When a teen comes home and seems emotional, give her an hour alone to regroup before you start asking a million questions. Always praise publicly, correct privately. Have difficult conversations in a dark car or doing a side-by-side task; avoid direct eye contact, as this produces anxiety in teens and will cause them to shut down. Offer your help and concern, then stop talking so that your teen will actually have time to think and respond. (Those “awkward silences” can make all the difference in allowing your kid to open up, so let them happen.)
With regard to alcohol-specific protocols, Nerney echoed the theme of the RADAR campaign, “Be a Parent, Not a Friend.” He suggested letting kids know you expect them not to drink, having curfews to limit the hours of risk, and following through on sensible consequences if rules are broken. He also recommended that parents and teens establish a code together, in case a teen wants to extricate herself from a bad situation. For example, if your teen calls and says, “Mom, is Uncle Bryan coming tonight?” you know she wants you to go and pick her up. Nerney said teens use these codes more than you’d expect; but even if your teen never uses the code, she knows you are concerned for her welfare and always have her back.
Finally, Nerney suggested that parents help teens find healthy activities and outlets that satisfy their teenage need for risk and socialization. Playing sports, acting on stage, rock climbing, scuba diving, community service projects…anything is better than gathering for the sake of drinking. Ultimately, the better you understand and respect their needs, the easier it is to be an effective, confident parent to teenagers.
To see Mike Nerney’s talk for yourself, check the LMC-TV schedule.
